Learning Yourself: The True Foundation of Confidence

The other day, I was scrolling Threads and came across a question from @therapyforblackgirls that gave me an opportunity to reflect on my younger self:

“Help A Sister Out: What’s one piece of advice you’d give your younger self about building unshakeable confidence?”

Whew. That question felt like it reached right through my phone and sat down next to me.

My answer?

Really take the time to learn yourself and understand who you are and how you’re wired. Identify the things you love and appreciate about yourself. Reinforce who you are through your actions and how you show up in the world. Deeply respect these things about yourself because confidence comes from being firmly rooted in a strong sense of self and self-love.

And I meant every word of that. I’m living it.

Because here’s the thing, real confidence doesn’t come from likes, approval, or waiting for someone to tell you you’re amazing. It’s an inward thing. It’s built brick by brick when you know yourself. When you’ve spent time asking: What moves me? What drains me? What do I value so deeply that it shapes every decision I make? It’s built when you’ve taken time to develop your personhood in a way that makes you proud.

It’s in paying attention to the small ways you show up for yourself. It comes from keeping a promise to rest when you’re tired, creating and honoring your boundaries, doing the thing you said you’d do even when you don’t feel like it. Those actions become the proof you rely on when life gets hectic and tries to shake you.

Confidence isn’t loud. It’s grounded. It’s knowing that, no matter who walks in or out of your life, you are whole and worthy. It’s respecting yourself enough to protect the parts of you that matter most. It’s action oriented and battle tested. And the more you practice living from that place, the harder it is for the world to convince you otherwise.

So if I could pull my younger self close, I’d tell her: Som, get to know yourself and fall in love with what you discover. And not the version of you shaped by other people’s opinions or expectations but the REAL YOU. The one you’re proud of. The one you respect. Build your life around her, and your confidence will develop and take you on your journey.