Accepting What Is – Finding Calm in an Imperfect Story

There are certain relationships in my life where connection flows easily, steady, natural, and organically. They aren’t perfect, but they’re solid. The ebbs and flows come and go, yet the foundation holds. For that, I’m deeply grateful.

Motherhood doesn’t bring me much anxiety. I navigate it the best I can and I give it my very best effort. My friendships don’t either. Neither does my bond with my parents or siblings. Even in love, I’ve found a relationship that feels like peace and a soft place to land.

But if I’m honest, navigating divorce and co-parenting is where anxiety lives. Without getting into the details, my ex-husband and I don’t speak. Not a single word at all. He once asked, through email, that I never speak to him again — and I honored that. And truthfully, it’s been fine. There’s no chaos. No drama. Just silence. He communicates directly with our daughter.

What I wrestle with is the absence of what I always believed was possible when relationships end – an unproblematic, respectful co-parenting relationship. I grew up watching parents who, even after divorce, could coexist and collaborate for the sake of their children. I believed maturity, reason, and good intentions could build that kind of bridge. So it stings to accept that no matter how much grace or effort I extend, some things are simply out of my control to fix.

I’m trying to make peace with acceptance, the kind that softens the edges and quiets the restless parts of me. Still, I hold hope. Hope that one day we can share a space and a simple “hello” won’t feel impossible. I’m not looking for friendship. Just civility. The kind of mutual respect that allows us to have conversations about the daughter we share — about her future, her milestones, and being on the same page as it relates to moments that matter.

This also isn’t about blame. People are entitled to their boundaries and their emotions, even if they don’t align with what I wish could be. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t disappoint me that we couldn’t land somewhere better, somewhere reasonable. Never speaking to someone you share a child with feels extreme to me. Maybe one day, things will shift. Maybe not.

For now, I’m just working on releasing the outcome and holding on to peace.